Category Archives: Parenting

I want a phone

Ryan @ 5 years 8 months

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We have an old phone lying around the house. Out of the blue Ryan declared he is now the proud owner of the phone. Tonight he willingly gave me RM8.80 from his savings so I could get him a phone number (Hotlinks prepaid pack). Lately he’s into this ‘adult’ mode. He’s been observing what us, the adults do and possess. Eg. He no longer wants to use his kiddy bowl, he wants adult plate, adult cutleries. Few days back, he asked me if he could get a credit card. Then yesterday he asked me what age he could learn how to drive. He told me he wants to save enough money to buy a Proton. His dream cars are the Porsche, Lamborghini, Pagani Zonda but he knows he can’t afford, neither does his parents. So he settled with a Proton. (the most affordable car one can own I told him :P). Eversince he has been very calculative with his money. Not easy to squeeze money out from him. Reminds me how he innocently announced he will not celebrate Darren’s birthday after I told him to buy Didi a present. He was evidently upset. Told us he doesn’t like birthday celebration because it’s a waste of money. Told us on Darren’s birthday he will wake up early, wish Didi Happy Birthday and just watch TV. No presents. Basically no one could touch his money, in his own words ‘hard earned money’ (because we pay him when he does housework. To him, that is real hard work). Hahaha… So I guess for him to part with RM8.80 from his hard earned money speaks how desperate he is to be apart of this ‘adult’ world.., to own something each of us adult owns, yes? The crave for independence sure starts early.

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My adult wannabe first born.. Love you lots <3 .

Anger Management

@ 5 years 5 months 3 weeks 2 days

This morning, Ryan had his worst punishment from Daddy. It all started when we were getting into the car to head out for brunch. Instead of getting into the car the normal usual way, Ryan insisted to go in from Darren’s side. I was busy strapping Darren up and here this little nonsense wanted to get it. I had to brushed him away.

At this point he was extremely angry. Perhaps we had always let him get his way too easily. He was showing his temper, and just when hubs opened Ryan’s side of door for him to get in, he started kicking and shoving the door. When he was reprimanded by hubs, he absurdly went out of control and kicked hubs. Well, expectedly that was the last straw.

Hubby was so upset and I was more disappointed than anything at that point of time. Did we do something wrong with this child? 

Well, a horrible scene of what I classifies as domestic violence soon ensued. When Ryan continued his nonsense and refused to cooperate, there goes a blow to his face. First time. I was at the verge of crying. My helper was crying and my FIL was choking back tears. I stepped in, separated the two and summoned Loida to bring Ryan up. We left the house for brunch with Darren.

Hubs was still furious and we debated a bit on our differences in our way of parenting. I for one is against corporal punishment whereas hubby believes sparing the rod means spoiling the child. Hubby said I spoiled him, something which I vehemently denied. (I think he easily beats me hands down when it comes to over pampering our first born ).

I don’t know, I feel Ryan does have a little bit of anger management problem as it is not the first time he showed us his ugly side but surprisingly he has all the praises from his teachers when we attended the PTA talk yesterday. He was commended for his superiority in many areas. He is mature for his age and has never showed a temper. He is collected, happy go lucky and very well behaved in school. He met all the expectations outlined academically and non academically. So why?

Well this morning’s incident was a matter of factly trivial but because it was not his first offense, it sets the alarm off and puts me into self reflection and deliberation if my way of parenting does need adjustment. How can a boy who is deemed so nice to others can turn ugly against his own family. Is this a sign of more serious underlying problem else why is my boy taking people who loves him for granted? Or am I simply over reacting? Afterall he’s only a 5 year old kid?

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After we came back from brunch, Ryan was in the midst of his Enopi homework. I had a talk with him. Gave him a piece of my mind. He was sad and evidently remorseful. His eyes were swollen from the whole lot of crying. However when I asked him to apologize to Daddy, he was reluctant. He just couldn’t swallow his pride, a thing I find a lot of similarity between the Daddy and son. I’m again ‘kiap’ in the middle. Both feel sorry for what they had done, yet both refused to take the first step out. Haiz….

Ps: In the end, I convinced Ryan it was him who was at fault first and he obediently apologized to his Daddy. By then all his 80 odd Ultraman / Bandai monster figurines including its boxes have been confiscated. It will require lots merit points before he could redeem back all his beloved. Well, he needs a L E S S O N for sure. Hope he is learning it the hard way.

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He was smacked on the left side of his face. Mommy 心痛 . When I asked him if it’s painful, he shook his head. I hope one day if he read this, please understand we are doing all this because we love you.

There’s only one Ultraman figurine for play now. Ryan is definitely having a taste of the consequences for his misbehavior.

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Brother and brother fought over this Ultraman Tiga here, the one and only available for play now. 

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“I Hate You”

@ 4 years 10 months 2 weeks 1 day

These days Ryan learned to talk back when I reprimand him for his misbehaviour. He would say things like:

“Mommy, why you do bad things to me?”

“Mommy, I said sorry but why you still do bad things to me?”

“Mommy, why you scold me everyday?”

“Mommy, I don’t like it you do this to me”

* bad / this = scold. I never used the cane on him (yet).

and last night, for the first time he said “Mommy, I hate you“. Sobssss…..

Ouch! That hurts! Dem! I was closed to tears. I know he didn’t mean it but… dem.. it still frigging hurts.

It all started because of his silly acts. As usual, Ryan is always full of mischievous stunts and last night, because he was wriggling around when I was brushing his teeth, he slipped and thank goodness he balanced himself and did not fall nor hit his head on anything. It wasn’t the first time I have to nag him to behave. Well, I know kids being kids, they ‘misbehave’ but that having said, they need to be ‘taught’ a lesson, a good one. I was determined to put my message across by hook or crook to let him know Mommy mean business here and no YehYeh or MahMah is gonna ‘save’ him.

He, being the manja type started whining. He demanded (as usual), I sayang him else he would not keep quiet. I wasn’t in the bestest mood either being tired and devastasted after finding out one of my best friends is diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She’s only 34 years old. Double sobs.

So back to Ryan. I asked him to calm down and recollect his thoughts and ask himself if he was at fault. Sure enough, everything I said falls on deaf ears. Instead he threatened me with louder cries and screamed out he won’t keep quiet unless I sayang him. That really hit the threshold of my patience. I smacked him on his butt and that was when he screamed out ‘Mommy, you do this to me, I HATE YOU‘ in between his sobs.

I was very very upset by then and I dare him to repeat what he just said. He dare not. Instead he repeatedly say ‘Mommy, I don’t like you do this to me!” “Mommy, please sayang”……. I tried hard to keep my cool and senses so I walked away picked up the phone (pretend) and call “uncle”, to come pick Ryan up at 8.30pm since he hate his mommy now. I even packed his clothes into a bag. I guess that was a big blow to him. He dashed towards me, grabbed his clothes and put them back into the closet. By then, he knew I truly mean business. He begged for forgiveness and (again) asked me to ‘sayang’ him. By then, I was drained. I ‘sayang’ him and sent him to bed. He kept sobbing while drinking his milk. I was too exhausted to even bother but before he doze off, I threatened him I will go away should he not learn how to RESPECT his mommy next time. Expectedly, he cry to sleep.

After the monkey doze off, I tuck lil B in bed. By 9pm, both of them were asleep. Just when I thought I could finally have some me time to reminisces my own thoughts, I heard cries on the baby monitor (I was in the next room). It was Ryan! He was looking for me. He probably thought I left him for good due to his misbehaviour earlier. I shooed him to queit down but he was simply inconsolable. The next thing happened, lil B who was sleeping in the same room is awake. Hubby, who just got back, came into the room took over to pacify Ryan but he was simply ignorant. When his cries reached the next decimal point, hubby loses his patient too. Ryan was then summoned to the naughty corner. It was such a scene. By then I feel sorry for Ryan but this kid need a good lesson. I won’t be surprised his cries could be heard a few blocks away. As a result, YehYeh came up to our room and “sum tong” his beloved grandson is going through such punishment asked his son (hubby) to stop disciplining Ryan.

After a while Ryan tired himself from his own crying. He stopped his drama and soon he was in the arms of Daddy ‘manja-ing’ and the next minute he was already similing. That’s my boy. He cries easily but also forgives easily. He came up to the bed, said sorry and asked me to make him some milk. When I passed him the milk, he said this to me ‘Mommy, I Love You‘.  Awwww…. Minutes later, he dozed off. Thank goodness, no more midnight drama.

On the other hand, the small fella is awake and only fall asleep an hour later.

This morning Ryan woke up with a cheery mood again. When I asked him to apologise to me again.. he playfully said, ‘.. but I already apologised 3 times, mommy’. Huh.. so he counted?? Doesn’t matter… I hope he learned a thing or two from this episode and will be more mindful of the words he speak. 

If you’re reading this one day.. “MOMMY LOVES YOU TOO, BABY“.

After the incident….

@ 34 months 1 week

I was really upset that day. I do not know I was feeling upset because I was embarassed, shocked, or simply could not accept the reality. It’s a puzzle, still an unsolved one, trying to understand what’s really in this kiddo’s mind.   

I went out to Ngee Ann after tucking Ryan in for his nap. A couple hours of retail therapy works wonder, I felt much better. I came home with more sane and better mood. So I sat Ryan in front of me and started my first ‘counselling’. There were many other sessions like this eversince that day to remind him not to echo his actions.

It was not easy to get a 2 year plus kid to tell you exactly what happened. It requires a lot of unconditional patience, in which, I am shamefully lacking of this positive trait in me. From our conversations (more like Q&A session), Ryan implied he was merely ‘playing‘ with his classmate. Another time he said he was merely trying to ‘sayang‘ his classmate. So I really hope he did not do what he did to hurt his classmates and his actions were simply because he could not control his level of strength well enough thus indirectly hurting them.

I did punish Ryan for what he did. No. I am not a fan of corporal punishment so lucky him, no cane, no smacking ie no pain for this fella. Instead I took away his fav toys, hid them aside and told him I’m giving them away to his friends.  The next day, I made him say sorry. I even made him hand the pressies to his friends. Ryan was visibly anxious, more like worried to me. He kept asking what’s inside the wrapper. (I have bought the toys at Ngee Ann yesterday but I told him it was his toy inside the wrapper). 

Ryan did not resist. I explained he hurt his friends so he must ‘do something‘ to say sorry. He handed the pressies readily. No resistance and to my surprise he even gave a hug to one of the classmates and said sorry, a gesture which I never requested of him. Oh-so-sweet right? But guess what. As much as I was pleased with his gesture, again, this boy of mine hugged his friend so hard causing his classmate to lost his balance and almost fell. Haiz…..

I continue my effort reminding Ryan not to touch his classmates; many many times a day. Be it during meal time, play time, story time, shower, toilet, in the car, in the school compound, I brought in various examples and scenarios to instill the morale of NO TOUCHING. It got up till the extent, I find myself so ‘ngam ngam chum chum-ing’ my boy all day. Like a wicked witch :(

So far he has not done anything as aggresive as what he did that day. I’m very sure he knows he’s not supposed to touch his friends (thanks to my nagging.. I don’t even need to complete my sentence now…. )

Whether it’s intentional or not, the fact is Ryan did hurt his classmates. Kids nowadays are much brighter. Thanks to all the omegas 3, 6, 9, DHA, AHA, what not, I noticed, paying lip service is no longer good enough to deter bad behaviour from reoccuring. So hopefully making him part with his fav toys would make him aware the real price to pay as a consequences of  misbehaviour.   

Ps: It is actually quite hard for me to swallow that Ryan has such aggresive trait in him since he is a kid that goes around telling me ‘he miss me’, ‘he loves me’ even when I was just out of his sight for 15 minutes because I was in the shower. Haiz.. anyway.. I am still keeping the fav toys supposedly given away. LOL.

   
@ Clarke Quay. The shirt Ryan was wearing is his favourite shirt. He wants to wear it everyday!

 
Sand painting at AMK Hub

 

The Curious Little Boy….

@ 29 months 3 weeks

Ryan is a very curious boy.  He likes to ask questions on the things he sees, the people he meets, infact, anything that come across as unusual to him he will ask. It’s pretty draining to the people around him as we have to answer his umpteen questions else he will ask the same question again and again until we finally respond.

Some of Ryan’s questions I could recall since morning. Some of the questions he actually asked me every day without fail.

“Mommy, where are we going?” (on our way to send hubs to work)

“Mommy, where’s water fountain?” (the condo mgmt had switched off the fountain)

“Mommy, remember the water tanker?” (we saw a water tanker near OG, Chinatown couple weeks back on our way home after dropping hubs at work)

“Mommy, where the water go?” (referring to waterfall)

“Got a lot of buildings. Why buildings not moving?”

“Where’s the digger?” (sometimes we could see digger on our way to hubs’ office)

“Why this taxi is red and white and black, this taxi is blue?” (referring to the two different taxis from two different companies he saw)

“What’s this mommy?” (when he saw the dumbbell under the table)

“Why no hot water?” (it’s quite cloudy today and it took awhile for the water heater to heat up)

“Why mermaid no legs?” (when I was reading Mermaid story to him this morning)

“Why shark got stucked?” (also part of Mermaid story)

“Why daddy angry?” (also referring to the King in Mermaid story)

“Mommy, why cannot?” (when the computer he was using hang therefore he can’t continue his Thomas matching game)

“Why got aeroplane sound, cannot see aeroplane here?” (we heard airplanes zooming passed our area but obviously we missed it)

“Remember this mommy?” (he saw a familiar scene on Disney Mickey Mouse cartoon similar to a game he played on computer)

“What’s next mommy?” (when his fav cartoon ended)

“What’s this mommy?” (I was eating egg tart)

“Mommy, Island Sodor, remember YuenJou go Pangkor Island?” (while watching Thomas)

“Why this train no eyebrow, that one got?” (I don’t know which train he was referring to)

“Why so difficult. Must drink lots of water then easy?” (hahahahaahahaha… when he was doing his big business just now!)

“What’s this mommy? What’s cockroach doing here? What’s Tarzan? Where are they going? What this? Why that?” (while watching Archies on TV) 

And lots of others, why(s), what(s), where(s) which I can’t recall all now………If we go out in the afternoon (which we didn’t today), the more questions Ryan will pop. In a day, easily 30 different questions from him. I am proud that he has a inquisitive mind but sometimes it’s also mind draining as he likes to ask questions which he already knew the answer. When I teased him with a wrong answer, he will laugh, tell me the right answer and ask “why Mommy don’t know??” *slaphead*.

 
@ Fidgets

 

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Bought this ages ago when he was still having phobia visiting the doc. He has since grown out of the fear. Yippee!!

 


Ryan and two of his Shichida friends (Marianne Dora in pink and Verlynne)

 


Monkey face again