After the incident….

@ 34 months 1 week

I was really upset that day. I do not know I was feeling upset because I was embarassed, shocked, or simply could not accept the reality. It’s a puzzle, still an unsolved one, trying to understand what’s really in this kiddo’s mind.   

I went out to Ngee Ann after tucking Ryan in for his nap. A couple hours of retail therapy works wonder, I felt much better. I came home with more sane and better mood. So I sat Ryan in front of me and started my first ‘counselling’. There were many other sessions like this eversince that day to remind him not to echo his actions.

It was not easy to get a 2 year plus kid to tell you exactly what happened. It requires a lot of unconditional patience, in which, I am shamefully lacking of this positive trait in me. From our conversations (more like Q&A session), Ryan implied he was merely ‘playing‘ with his classmate. Another time he said he was merely trying to ‘sayang‘ his classmate. So I really hope he did not do what he did to hurt his classmates and his actions were simply because he could not control his level of strength well enough thus indirectly hurting them.

I did punish Ryan for what he did. No. I am not a fan of corporal punishment so lucky him, no cane, no smacking ie no pain for this fella. Instead I took away his fav toys, hid them aside and told him I’m giving them away to his friends.  The next day, I made him say sorry. I even made him hand the pressies to his friends. Ryan was visibly anxious, more like worried to me. He kept asking what’s inside the wrapper. (I have bought the toys at Ngee Ann yesterday but I told him it was his toy inside the wrapper). 

Ryan did not resist. I explained he hurt his friends so he must ‘do something‘ to say sorry. He handed the pressies readily. No resistance and to my surprise he even gave a hug to one of the classmates and said sorry, a gesture which I never requested of him. Oh-so-sweet right? But guess what. As much as I was pleased with his gesture, again, this boy of mine hugged his friend so hard causing his classmate to lost his balance and almost fell. Haiz…..

I continue my effort reminding Ryan not to touch his classmates; many many times a day. Be it during meal time, play time, story time, shower, toilet, in the car, in the school compound, I brought in various examples and scenarios to instill the morale of NO TOUCHING. It got up till the extent, I find myself so ‘ngam ngam chum chum-ing’ my boy all day. Like a wicked witch :(

So far he has not done anything as aggresive as what he did that day. I’m very sure he knows he’s not supposed to touch his friends (thanks to my nagging.. I don’t even need to complete my sentence now…. )

Whether it’s intentional or not, the fact is Ryan did hurt his classmates. Kids nowadays are much brighter. Thanks to all the omegas 3, 6, 9, DHA, AHA, what not, I noticed, paying lip service is no longer good enough to deter bad behaviour from reoccuring. So hopefully making him part with his fav toys would make him aware the real price to pay as a consequences of  misbehaviour.   

Ps: It is actually quite hard for me to swallow that Ryan has such aggresive trait in him since he is a kid that goes around telling me ‘he miss me’, ‘he loves me’ even when I was just out of his sight for 15 minutes because I was in the shower. Haiz.. anyway.. I am still keeping the fav toys supposedly given away. LOL.

@ Clarke Quay. The shirt Ryan was wearing is his favourite shirt. He wants to wear it everyday!

Sand painting at AMK Hub


18 thoughts on “After the incident….”

  1. i spot another Carz fan..:))))
    Take it easy Yvonne, i think your method of teaching him is excellent. I should learn more from you, instead of just shouting and pinching the little bugger.. ahha

  2. I laughed when I read the part about Ryan hugging the friend and the friend almost fell. The same happened to my son too when he tried to make peace with the friend by hugging the friend. Guess they just don’t know their strength.

    Am sure Ryan will learn. Don’t get overly stressed.

  3. aww, seem like he really understood hoh? understood his punishments and really felt sorry for his action, that he hug the friend and all…
    i think it’s just the normal case that they don’t know how to control their strength… always with adults, so never needed to tahan their strenth mar…

  4. Hope this will help him understand not to hurt anyone…you did a great job..I know how it bothering when comes to think how we want to teach them the right wat…

  5. i think u’ve done a great job in teaching him. now u can give urself a break – dun need to be so stressed. like u said, he’s oni a lil kiddo :p

  6. Babe, you shoudn’t be all stressed out. He’s just a kid. I keep telling myself that. And so far, Irfan hasn’t hugged any of his friends too hard either, BUT he got bitten last week. Apparently the boy thought that Irfan wanted to snatch his toys, but in reality, Irfan only wanted to pass through. So yeah, it’s only normal lah. Don’t beat yourself too hard.

    Hang in there!

  7. don’t worry, it’s just a transition period, i even think every kids went through this. What’s more he is just about 2+ and i believed he still can’t really comprehend what is hurt and what is not. When jo was about Ryan’s age, he did something similar and i always strayed him away from his peers as he had always hurt his mates accidentally, but he have grown up this behavior as time goes by. So, i think this will go same for Ryan, perhaps just a matter of time.

  8. what you did is really good :) i am sure ryan will be fine. he is a sensible boy. i also ‘ngam’ ashley a lot because she like to snatch things or push her friends in school. these days she is better behaved, according to her teacher (touch wood). guess it’s a phase?

  9. That was really great, what you did. I don’t think I would have gone through all that trouble. I seriously do not think that Ryan has an aggresive streak in him. I think it was a rash reaction to him being bitten. Afterall, it IS traumatic to be bitten in a 34 month old’s mind. And to think that he’s ok with doing all those stuff you asked him to, only shows that he is not a rebel either! Don’t worry, babe, you are both doing well!!

  10. Relax Yvonne, this is just a way the kids learn to protect themselves, because nowadays the kids are too smart, when Ryan kena buli again, you will start worry about him again. When you giving back his toy ah? Poor Ryan.

  11. wish i can use the take-away-toy method with kylie…the only thing i can think of is her comfort bolster but she will cry n cry n cry…

    but hor i think kids will b kids la..fight fight in school is kinda normal unless can see blood…emmm no meh?? hahahha

  12. I honestly think he is a bit young and may not fully understand how strong he is or the level of his strength. Afterall, my 9 year old still act like a 7 year old!!!

    Don’t be too stressed out dear. You’re doing a great job as it is.

  13. in school, they start learn to ‘protect’ themself as is not as at home… Ryan is still young… but you had done a great job leh… take it easy..

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